Are You an Intellectual?
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Are You A Liar?

1. Do you:
A) Tell the truth
B) Lie
C) Other.

2. In social situations, do you find that
A) You wish you could be more honest
B ) Even though the things you are saying SOUND honest, they are actually freakish lies revealing your true evil self?
C) Other.

3. In serious relationships do you
A) Lie to get some action
B) Lie to avoid getting some action
C) Other.

4. On school tests, do you see yourself
A) answering every question correctly, thus proving your brilliance and getting you into any college you want, or
B) cheat your way past your stupidity?
C) Other.

5. When asked an ebarassing question on national tv, would you
A) come clean and admit your true evil nature like a decent, honest citizen, or
B) Lie like the depraved animal that you are.
C) Other.

6. When writing your own autobiography, would you
A) detail the exact course of your life, including your precise toilet-plunger bowel-cleaning method, or
B) alter the events of your life to better accomodate your ego.
C) Other.

7. If given more change than required, would you
A) kindly return the extraneous change to the society by spending it on food for the needy, or
B) scream "YOU IDIOT! YOU GAVE ME WAAAAAAY MORE CHANGE THAN REQUIRED! NOW I'M GOING TO GO OUT WITH THIS EXTRA MONEY AND BUY DRUGS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!".
C) Other.

8. Do you come from Los Angeles?
A) no, I am from Nebraska;
B) yes, and like any self-respecting LA dweller, I date Julia Roberts, drink martinis and have my own syndicated TV show.
C) Other.

9. When shopping in Tijuana, do you attempt to "haggle" those innocent little children selling Chiclette gum?
A ) no, I always buy at the said price;
B) you caught me -- I am an evil, evil person!
C) Other.

10. If you accidentally shot and killed someone, would you
A) leave a note attached to the body with your name, address and phone number, or
B) yell, "Cut! Brilliant acting, Joey! Lets get this dummy corpse out of the way for the next shot...wonderful special effects! Koodos to the make-up department!"
C) Other.